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Wife to the most amazing and loving husband, mother of four of the most beautiful children, child of a loving and gracious God.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Just some thoughts

Haven't had a chance to post this week it's been kind of busy and hard, just trying to get Jaden around a schedule (not happening so far), he thwarts all efforts. Madison has been sick this week just a bad virus, but it seems Kaleigh might be coming down with it as well, so we'll see. I have been doing a lot of praying this week, sometimes through sobbing from exhaustion, (this big family thing is hard). I feel bad when I don't have enough time to spend one on one time with each child, I constantly get I'm bored can you do this with me from one of the older too and Madison tries as she might all day for me to carry her when I am not holding Jaden or sit on my lap. At the end of the day I have been praying that I would have just the slightest bit of energy for my wonderful husband and somedays it seems to be completely spent with the exceptions of an I love you and hope you had a good day before I pass out. It's funny that our Pastor has been covering a series on Prayer and last night I was kind of convicted, because almost all my prayers have been all about me of course, getting enough rest, and I'm hoping that once I do that I will have enough energy to be the wife, mother and child he wants me to be. I am hoping to bring him glory in that way, however that may not be what he has in store for me. I desperately wanted to see the movie FIREPROOF this weekend, but it was too difficult to find someone willing to take care of four, especially with Jaden being the cryer that he is, I'm hoping that eventually Michael and I will be able to get out of the house together. Actually I would like to even be able to get my haircut with out Jaden being so tough, but I know that time will come.

In any given day I will change at least 20 diapers between two kids, someone will fall or crash into Madison or Jaden at least 2 or 3 times a day and I'll hear "Sorry.....(child's name)". Or I'll hear crash (one of the kids crashed into something or slipped while running in the house, even though I have told them not to run a million times). The laundry never seems to be complete even though in any given day I will do at least 2 or 3 loads (I think we need a bigger washer and dryer), I don't know how large families do it, I'm afraid to see my upcoming water bill. Homework, after school activities, field trips, lunch at schools, chores, meals, dishes, bath and bed, pretty much leave me too exhausted to even do any creative work, sometimes I can squeeze in a quick paint or quick card, but all too often it lays unfinished in my craft area, waiting for me to have a free moment.

All this to say am I complaining? Overwhelmed? maybe for a moment, am I lonely? Sometimes a little, but mostly I think wow what a responsibility God has entrusted me with. While I know his love endures forever no matter if I fail (which seems most days) but I know he has richly blessed me because he believes in me and he gives us what we can handle, and I know I am only in a season of life and one day I will surely miss my little ones sticky hands (maybe not sleepless nights) but wrap around my leg hugs and can I sit on your lap love, because Lord knows I will not always have them available and there are those who don't have any.


Courtney said...

you're doing awesome!!!

Jenkins said...

I am sure that your kiddos are loving you being there with them, to kiss their booboos, wipe their bottoms and just be their mommy. I just love looking at their pictures!

I understand it is hard to find someone to help watch the kids. Some one told me (we have not pulled this off yet) to have two babysitters come, a couple of young girls to come together. That way they are not overwhelmed. Of course, it may make date night a bit of a financial investment so make the most of it!
Oh and laundy is my enemy.